Wednesday, April 4, 2012
If you read my last post you’ll know it’s been a rough four months in the dancing department for me. When my manager called just a few weeks after the surgery we obviously said I wouldn’t be dancing this year, which is kind of a good thing because I need all the focus I can on my knee right now. It doesn’t mean it isn’t hard though. This past weekend we had our first competition of the year and as bad as I felt, I couldn’t go. It killed me knowing everybody else was able to do what they loved but I couldn’t because of a stupid problem that was hard to put up with. How is that fair? Monday after the competition was picture day. So of course I had to go and see everybody and all the costumes I would have had if I had been able to dance. One of the worst feelings ever. Everybody asks you, “How are you feeling?” “Are you coming back to dance?” Sometimes you have to ask yourself the same questions, but mainly I just had to ask myself why I was even there. I know I’ve been doing a lot of complaining, but I’m sure a lot of people can relate. It’s rough not being able to do something you love, but having to watch all of your best friends do it makes it just a million times worse. It’s like dance doesn’t leave me alone. My family is basically revolved around dance. My best friends I’ve known for years because of dance. Will this ever end?
On November 10, I had a knee surgery that I had been expecting for quite some time. I was scheduled for surgery at 8 am and was out by 9:30 am. It was a quick in and out procedure and I was able to return home that night. The only thing that seemed to be a problem was some mild pain, but that was easily manageable. The worst part of the whole situation was everybody at dance’s expectations of me. Two or three weeks later my dance studio manager was asking when I would be back, how many dances I would be doing, so on and so forth. It was almost like she expected me to know everything right off the bat. I felt like nobody believed that I had just had surgery for a problem I was dealing with for years. I could see where they were coming from considering I haven’t been able to complete a full dance year in a few years because of my knee problem, but I had a surgery. My medical records showed it all. As my doctor had said; minor surgery is surgery that isn’t yours. Surgery is surgery; it hurts and takes time to heal. I was being expected to do something I was not fully capable of doing just two weeks after a surgery. I was on crutches for a month and a half! To this day I am still doing physical therapy exercises to try and strengthen everything. It just didn’t seem fair that I couldn’t live up to anybody at dance’s expectations of me. I felt like I was letting down my family. Dance can be such a straining sport on your body, but you do it anyways because you love it and it hurts more to stay away. It’s been a rough four months, everybody.